The Snoozeletter @ s.9TimeZones.com

John Barleycorn Must Die.

2010-03-14T17:00:00.004-07:00

John Barleycorn
Traditional English folksong, arranged by Steve Winwood
Performed by Traffic
Full song (after 1st click, it's only a :30 sample), wiki 1, wiki 2

There were three men came out of the West,
Their fortunes for to try.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn must die.

They've plowed, they've sown, they've harrowed him in,
Threw clods upon his head.
And these three men made a solemn vow:
John Barleycorn was dead.

They've let him lie for a very long time,
'Til the rains from heav'n did fall.
And little Sir John sprung up his head,
And so amazed them all.

They've let him stand 'til Midsummer's Day,
'Til he looked both pale and wan.
And little Sir John's grown a long, long beard,
And so become a man.

They've hired men with the scythes so sharp,
To cut him off at the knee.
They've rolled him and tied him by the waist,
Serving him most barb'rously.

They've hired men with the sharp pitchforks,
Who pricked him to the heart.
And the Loader, he has served him worse than that,
For he's bound him to the cart.

They've wheeled him around and around the field,
'Til they came unto a barn,
And there they've made a solemn oath
On poor John Barleycorn.

They've hired men with the crabtree sticks
To cut him skin from bone,
And the Miller, he has served him worse than that,
For he's ground him between two stones.

And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl,
And he's brandy in the glass.
And little Sir John and the nut-brown bowl,
Proved the strongest man at last.

The Huntsman, he can't hunt the fox,
Nor so loudly to blow his horn,
And the Tinker, he can't mend kettle nor pot,
Without a little Barleycorn.

You are the reason I've been waiting all these years.

2010-03-14T04:45:00.001-07:00

Can't Find My Way Home
Written by: Steve Winwood
Performed by: Blind Faith
Full song (after 1st click, it's only a :30 sample), cover controversy

Come down off your throne and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been waiting so long
Somebody holds the key

Well, I'm near the end, and just ain't got the time
And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home

Come down on your own and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I've been waiting all these years
Somebody holds the key

The percent that you're paying is too high-priced...

2010-03-13T08:10:00.013-07:00

The low spark of high heeled boys
Written by: Jim Capaldi and Steve Winwood
Performed by: Traffic

Full song (after 1st click, it's only a :30 sample), video 1, video 2, wiki 1, wiki 2

If you see something that looks like a star
And it's shooting up out of the ground
And your head is spinning from a loud guitar
And you just can't escape from the sound
Don't worry too much, it'll happen to you
We were children once, playing with toys
And the thing that you're hearing is only the sound
Of the low spark of high heeled boys

[REFRAIN] The percent that you're paying is too high-priced
While you're living beyond all your means
And the man in the suit has just bought a new car
From the profit he's made on your dreams
But today you just read that the man was shot dead
By a gun that didn't make any noise
But it wasn't the bullet that laid him to rest
'Twas the low spark of high heeled boys

If you had just a minute to breathe
And they granted you one final wish
Would you ask for something like another chance?
Or something similar as this?
Don't worry too much, it'll happen to you
As sure as your sorrows are joys
And the thing that disturbs you is only the sound
Of the low spark of high heeled boys

[REFRAIN]

If I gave you everything that I owned
And asked for nothing in return
Would you do the same for me as I would for you?
Or take me for a ride
And strip me of everything, including my pride?
But spirit is something that no one destroys
And the sound that I'm hearing is only the sound
Of the low spark of high heeled boys

Heel, boys

Boobs.

2010-03-07T06:20:00.001-07:00

Born in Brooklyn NY, Ruth Wallis (January 5, 1920 - December 22, 2007) began her career singing jazz and cabaret standards, but gained fame in the 1940s and 1950s for her risqué, satirical songs, full of double entendre that she wrote herself. For example:

Boobs
Full song (after 1st click, it's only a :30 sample), album, streaming, musical

You've gotta have boobs
If you want to impress tycoons and rubes
You need boobs to fill out a sweater
You need two, but three might be better
(That's one in the back for dancing)
Doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doo

You've gotta be stacked
Hey, you gotta be grouped
Individually packed
For with boobs, you can start a romance off
Make a man stand right up and take his hat off
(I know it doesn't rhyme, ducky, but it does keep me legitimate)

To make a bull for the earth and mother
Even a cow has to show her udders
You've gotta have boobs
B-O-O-B-S

Some push 'em up
Some stick 'em out
And some keep 'em flappin' in the breeze
Some tie them down because if they don't
They would hang down to their knees
Just you tease

You've gotta have boobies
If you want men to offer diamonds and rubies
Why, even a tennis player would knock his balls out
(Over the net)
For a chick who fills each cup until it falls out

Big, small or medium, or oversized
They've all got that flavor and it's homogenized
You've gotta have boobs
B-O-O-B-S

Now, some have enough
And some have too much
And some, like me, could stand a whole lot more
Some are like watermelons
And some are like grapes
And some are like knobs upon the door
What's your score?

You've gotta be filled
Two fried eggs will never grab him like grapefruits will
(And they're both breakfast foods)
But listen girls, don't try to fool your lover
Remember, he can go to Goodyear if he wants rubber

Some men are leg men and some are behind men
But if he's a boobs man, even a blind man'll find 'em
You've gotta have boobs
B-O-O-B-S

You think it's easy to write songs like this?
Lots of research

Just think if all us girls had boobies with fluoridation
We could take the cavities out of the whole damn nation
A nibble a day keeps the dentist away
Alter Kockers like big knockers
(This goes over great in Israel)

You've gotta have boobs
Oh, be kind to your flat-chested friend
Tomorrow she may be bigger than you are
You start out with A-cup and wind up with E-cup
Silicone's a girl's best friend.

Prelinger Archives...

2010-03-06T17:00:00.002-07:00

was founded in 1983 by Rick Prelinger in New York City. Over the next twenty years, it grew into a collection of over 60,000 "ephemeral" (advertising, educational, industrial, and amateur) films. In 2002, the film collection was acquired by the Library of Congress, Motion Picture, Broadcasting and Recorded Sound Division. Prelinger Archives remains in existence, holding approximately 4,000 titles on videotape and a smaller collection of film materials acquired subsequent to the Library of Congress transaction. Its goal remains to collect, preserve, and facilitate access to films of historic significance that haven't been collected elsewhere.

A Trip Down Market Street Before the Fire (1905). San Francisco's main thoroughfare, as seen from the front window of a moving Market Street cable car, before the downtown area was destroyed in the 1906 earthquake and fire.

Duck and Cover (1951). Famous Civil Defense film for children in which Bert the Turtle shows what to do in case of atomic attack.

Vintage stag films (warning - nudity): Brunette, Blonde, Cherry Knight.

Also (nudity): Janey Reynolds.

Facebook Growth.

2010-03-02T09:55:00.004-07:00

Courtesy of Facebook Timeline and Google Chart Tools:

Double Secret Probation.

2010-02-16T04:20:00.001-07:00

Starting a new job today. Very hush-hush. Working for the government. Our government.

Had to get fingerprinted and pass a background check. Assess my security risk status. See how much I'd blab during the hot-lead enemas.

From highest to lowest, the three normal security clearances are: Top Secret, Secret, and Confidential.

Luckily, us flunkies can get by with an even lower clearance: Bottom Secret.

No hot-lead enemas for this camper.

See? Marijuana DOES lead to harder drugs. ;-)

2010-02-13T06:50:00.001-07:00

(Your first click plays the whole song. Each click after that plays a 30-second sample.)

One Toke Over The Line by Brewer & Shipley

Don't Bogart Me (Don't Bogart That Joint) by The Fraternity Of Man

Coming Into Los Angeles by Arlo Guthrie

Cocaine by Eric Clapton

I'm Waiting For My Man by Lou Reed

F*ck Diamond Shamrock.

2010-02-12T13:35:00.003-07:00

Most gas stations set up their pumps in logical order: Regular on the left, Mid-Grade in the middle, and Premium on the right.

Well, Diamond Shamrock (a/k/a Valero) evidently thinks it's a good idea to reverse the normal order.

You can tell where this is going.

Yup, I mistakenly filled up with Premium, rather than Regular.

Three bucks down the drain.

Scumbags.

McCain Terrorism Spot.

2010-02-09T17:00:00.002-07:00

I just heard a radio ad by Senator John McCain, in which he advocates denying due process to accused "terrorist" suspects.

I couldn't believe my ears.

So, I hereby accuse John McCain of being a terrorist. Let's see how he likes it.

Aaron Sorkin & The Facebook Movie: group is kaput.

2010-02-08T11:55:00.006-07:00

When Aaron Sorkin was hired to write The Social Network in August 2008, he asked his researcher, Ian Reichbach, to create a Facebook group, so that Aaron could actually use Facebook to interact with Facebookers. Since Aaron is one of my heroes, I took full advantage of this unprecedented access to a talented, Emmy-winning writer.

During the last 18 months, he has told a lot of behind-the-scenes anecdotes about The West Wing, A Few Good Men, Sports Night, etc. In return, I told a few stories that he liked. Wow, I actually made Aaron Sorkin laugh... what a FanBoy I am.

Lately, he's been sending dispatches from The Social Network locations. But the movie is now wrapped, and Aaron recently posted his final message (courtesy of Ian, who was kind enough to email it to me):

Guys,

We wrap photography in a few hours and while it was my intention to keep this page up until the premiere in October, I think the better part of wisdom says I should take it down now. As some of you who have been here from the beginning know, this page gets covered by both the entertainment press and the Silicon Valley press and because of the recent events I'd be exposing the movie, the 200 people who've been working on it and the studio (and Ray Liotta) to an unnecessary hassle.

I've asked Ian to take the page down at 6pm Pacific time to hopefully give people a chance to exchange personal contact information.

With all the words available to me in the dictionary, I still can't find the right ones to express how grateful I am for your support, intelligence, generosity of spirit and good humor. I'll be thinking about you and wishing you the best of luck and good health in all your endeavors. For the writers who've come here, I'll be expecting great things from you.

And speaking of writers I expect great things from, I want to publicly thank Ian--both for setting up this page and for all the great and hard work on The Social Network. It'll be in the can in a few hours, brother. A job incredibly well done.

Thank you all.
Aaron

[tweet]

Jack Hamilton Bailey (1923-2010).

2010-02-07T13:20:00.003-07:00

I never met Jack in person, but he was an inspiration to me and many other writers at Zoetrope.com. I can't stop thinking about him.

From the Los Angeles Times - February 5, 2010:

Jack Hamilton Bailey
May 7, 1923 - January 28, 2010

Jack Bailey, 86, died at home in Studio City after a battle with cancer. Happily married for 56 years to his devoted wife, Wanda, he also leaves son, Matt, and daughter, Madeline.

An Oregon native, Jack joined the Navy at 17, and served in WW II aboard the aircraft carrier Lexington, until she was sunk during the Battle of the Coral Sea. He graduated from USC with a BA in English and then spent 16 years in aerospace during which time he wrote two novels loosely based on the industry. Critically praised, they unfortunately cost him his career.

A lifelong car enthusiast, Jack later went into the automotive repair business and continued writing, earning distinctions in... [more]

Google dumps "Don't be evil."

2010-02-03T08:55:00.004-07:00

[Re: Google's motto.]

I just received an email from Google (which owns Blogger, the service that publishes this blog), and it contains a nasty bit of news: Google intends to shut down FTP (file transfer protocol) service sometime before the end of March.

To the casual reader, this probably doesn't seem very earth-shaking. But for me, and millions of other FTP bloggers, this decision will cause major disruptions and precipitate a lot of unnecessary work on architecture, links, etc.

And after all that effort, our blogs still won't work right.

For example, if you've installed a link to a particular posting in this blog, it will probably generate an error message after March 26, 2010.

I've published all of my blogs with FTP for the last six years, and the system has worked reasonably well. Google justifies this drastic FTP move by saying that "only .5% of active blogs are published via FTP." Hm, .5% sounds like an insignificant number... but it actually represents millions of blogs.

Google also complains that maintaining the FTP service "would require that we completely rewrite the code that handles our FTP processing." Aw, those poor overworked Googlers. Maybe they need to take a few days to: leave their dogs at home, step away from the foosball tables, and stop guzzling so many free sodas... then they might be able to actually do a little work for a change.

I design free add-ons for Open Office Writer, an open-source word processor. I don't get paid for creating these Screenwright(R) extensions; I do it because I want to help other writers. There have been only 85,927 downloads to date, so my formatters don't serve nearly as many people as Google's Blogger does. But if I announced to my users that the next release versions of Screenwright(R) would not be backwards compatible, they would start calling for my head. And if I whined that my reason for flouting this basic tenet of good software design was because I would need to "completely rewrite the code," there would be a lynching party on my doorstep in ten minutes flat.

It sounds to me like Google needs to work a little harder at that "not being evil" thing.

[tweet]

Doppelgänger Week on Facebook.

2010-02-01T04:30:00.003-07:00

Should I: (1) be offended that MyHeritage thinks three of my doppelgängers are chicks, or (2) be flattered that they're HOT chicks? [Shh. I'm trying to imagine Portia de Rossi with a mustache.]

STATS: Nicholas Brendon (72%), Patrick Swayze (64%), Joey Fatone (62%), Robert Patrick (61%), Jodie Sweetin (60%), Maura Tierney (56%), Portia de Rossi (55%), Aidan Quinn (55%).

iPad learns to fly.

2010-01-29T09:55:00.001-07:00

Balliol Brothers Pharmacy--boys, I think you might be interested in this--they're celebrating their annual Fire Insurance Sale. Bill and Dill invites everyone in the Pittsfield, Doomstown and Tri-Color area to come on in and share some of their outstanding artificial values that the Balliol Twins are putting up for ya. Pico, you'll be interested in this: for your wife and your mistress, in Cosmetics, cases of Revolutionary Venus Envy Hair Spray, Legett Hair Fastener Heat Bags, Lady O' Spain Self-Blinding Eye Shadow with Magic Puncture Pencil, Sanitary Napkin Rings in Little Miss, Moon Maid and Stuck Pig strengths, Deported Italian Napa Gel Balls for soaking or eating. And they're all slashed price with the lady in mind.

--Firesign Theatre, Dear Friends: I Was A Cock-Teaser For Roosterama!

Re³tweeting in the Twittersphere.

2010-01-28T08:00:00.002-07:00

I decided to tweet about the iPad yesterday. Today, I discovered that four people had re-tweeted my tweet. So, thanks: ACanseco, masanaminori, mscarron and ysbee.

And one person even re-re-tweeted. So I re-re-re-tweeted her re-re-tweet.

Twittersphere fame is like... totally rad.

[Update: it turns out that Mad TV already satirized the iPad... over two years ago.]

iPad.

2010-01-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

Apple's newest toy.

Super-absorbent.

With optional belt and wings.

Coming soon: the iTampon.

In other S&M/B&D news...

2010-01-26T15:50:00.001-07:00

we all know that Devo whipped it.

Now it seems that Pope John Paul II whipped it, too.

Egyesült Államok...

2010-01-25T05:05:00.000-07:00

is the Hungarian phrase for "United States." I'm guessing this is their revenge, since we renamed their country from Magyarország to Hungary.

California tornadoes?

2010-01-21T06:50:00.005-07:00

It seems to be true. How come they never happened when we lived there? We would have thrown caution to the winds by staging a dinner party and serving Tornado Tournedos. On a Lazy Susan. With Whirling Dervish music. While watching the Twister DVD. Followed by a postprandial game of Twister. Spin, baby, spin.

Evening Update: did my stupidity call down the wrath of the Tornado God upon us?

Sremska.

2010-01-17T05:30:00.002-07:00

Can't wait. I'll be enjoying some yummy Hungarian sausage in a few hours. The wurst is yet to come.

NYC/PHX.

2010-01-16T04:40:00.002-07:00

Decades after leaving the NBC-NY Page staff, I find myself in the quiet outskirts of Phoenix. My God, what have I done? How did I get here? What kind of person would trade the City That Never Sleeps for a Suburb That Often Naps?

Főnix Magyarország (Phoenix Arizona Hungarians).

2010-01-11T06:55:00.001-07:00

For every person living in and around Phoenix who has a Hungarian heart:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=250192031929

Keywords: Budapest Hungary Magyars

Avatar or Pocahontas?

2010-01-09T10:50:00.004-07:00

Evidently, DGA nominee James Cameron himself has said that his "Avatar" film was based on Disney's "Pocahontas."

That became evident, when Dan Oles did a mashup of the Avatar trailer, overlaid with the Pocahontas trailer's soundtrack.

It became even clearer last week, when some guy named Matt Bateman uploaded this crudely-revised Pocahontas synopsis.

But you can judge for yourself, by reading Cameron's original script.

[Anything to avoid watching the movie.]

December 2009 Northern Lights Gallery...

2010-01-05T11:55:00.001-07:00

here, from SpaceWeather.com.

Below: A Geminid meteor streaks through the Northern Lights, by Bjørnar G. Hansen, taken on December 13, 2009, on Kvaløya, an island near Tromsø, in northern Norway. Do yourself a HUGE favor, and click the image to enlarge it...