"Feelix" - 7-page animation script

by Anikó J. Bartos & Alan C. Baird   [return to synopses]


                        animation script by

                  Anikó J. Bartos & Alan C. Baird

                                    Registered WGAw
                                    © 2007 Anikó J. Bartos &
                                      Alan C. Baird
                                    e: HotTip [at] Gmail.com
                                    w: www.9TimeZones.com

FADE IN: INT. FARTMAN LIVING ROOM - DAY ERIK FARTMAN is a fat cartoon of a boy, wearing mittens, a heavy coat, and a knitted cap topped with a pom-pom. He stands in front of the fireplace with KENNIE, a thin boy who's wearing mittens with a hooded parka, and STANN, a slimmer version of Fartman. Resting on the mantle is a familiar-looking trophy statuette. A thought bubble floats above Kennie's head: "Is that really an Oskar?" FARTMAN Kennie, don't even think that word without adding a circle-R. KENNIE (always muffled) Mph rmph? FARTMAN Oskarrrrrrrrr. You need that circle-R at the end, or the Academy's attorneys will put your nuts in a blender. STANN Yikes. Who are those dudes? FARTMAN The law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe. Real assholes. STANN So Fartman, is it really a freakin' Oskarrrrrrrrr? FARTMAN No, it's a Feelix, Oskarrrrrrrrr's tightass roommate. My mom said she won it in a card game. Fat fuckin' chance. STANN Can we mess around with it? FARTMAN Sure, why not? Fartman offers a boost to Stann, who steps up and grabs the Feelix statuette off the mantle. STANN Dude, it's really heavy. What's this thing he's holding in front of his dick? FARTMAN A baseball bat. The Academy lawyers wouldn't let 'em use a sword, so he got a penis substitute instead. STANN Hey, the arms move! FARTMAN Everything moves, Stann. Even the baseball bat. Stann pulls the tiny baseball bat from drooping vertically to erect horizontally, and all three boys LAUGH at the phallic display. KENNIE Mph rmph phrmph m phrmph! FARTMAN Yeah, now he's really got a woody! They CHUCKLE again. STANN Hey, I just had a brilliant idea. The back of my sister's closet has lots of outfits from her old Barby dolls... FARTMAN / KENNIE (simultaneously) Yeah! / Mmph! They rush out the door, with Stann dragging the Feelix statuette. INT. STANN'S SISTER'S BEDROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER Fartman, Stann and Kennie sit on the floor, transferring clothes from a Barby doll to the Feelix trophy. KYYLE walks in. He's also dressed for winter, with an earflap hat, and he's carrying a phonecam. KYYLE Somebody call for a crack photographer? Fartman holds up the now-naked Barby doll, with her legs spread wide open. FARTMAN Yeah, take a shot of Barby's fur taco! All four boys GIGGLE. STANN Hey Kyyle, don't you need some kinky pictures for your blog? Kyyle starts shooting photos of the Feelix statuette, with SHUTTER-CLICK SFX: MONTAGE A) CLICK: Feelix looks sporty, in a short skirt and tight sweater. B) CLICK: Feelix goes for an after-hours look, with a flimsy negligee. C) CLICK: Feelix flaunts his naughty side, with black-leather dominatrix duds. FARTMAN Stann, your sister is a real perv. STANN Look who's talking. All four boys LAUGH, while Stann pulls out a Kenn doll. KYYLE Hey, let's see how Kenn likes his girlfriend's clothes on another dude. Fartman pushes the Feelix statuette's butt onto the Kenn doll's lap. After an audible POP, the Feelix's mouth opens and its eyebrows rise in surprise. The boys GIGGLE, and Fartman holds up the two figures, now stuck together groin-to-butt. FARTMAN Hee-hee! The Feelix is a switch-hitter! KYYLE Yeah, that Kenn doll is hung like a horse. STANN Hey, that gives me an idea - I'll be back in a sec... Stann runs out of the room, while Fartman grabs the Feelix by its crotch-mounted baseball bat/phallus, and swings the two attached figures around his head. KYYLE / KENNIE (simultaneously) Yee-haw! / Mmph-aw! Stann returns with two claymation-rubber figures: Gumbie and his horse Pokie. STANN Did you dudes know that Gumbie was into bestiality? KYYLE What's "bestiality"? Stann pushes the rear end of Pokie into Gumbie's lap. After an audible POP, the horse's mouth opens and its eyebrows rise in surprise. The boys all LAUGH. FARTMAN Hey, let's see if Gumbie can take it, as well as he dishes it out. Fartman pushes the Feelix trophy's baseball bat/phallus against Gumbie's backside. Gumbie's mouth gets wider and wider, until it nearly covers his entire face. The POP is anticlimactic. STANN Gumbie just changed his name to Ben. KYYLE Ben... Dover?! The boys all GUFFAW. Then Stann holds up the four figures - Gumbie is stuck to the back of Pokie, the Feelix statuette is plastered onto Gumbie's ass, and the Kenn doll is riding shotgun behind the Feelix. STANN I do believe these cowpokes have been staring at the sheep a bit too long, up on Brokebutt Mountain. The boys all LAUGH RAUCOUSLY. Kyyle SNAPS a few more photos with his phonecam. FARTMAN Well, we should probably get this Feelix trophy back to my house, before my mom notices and throws a shitfit. The boys reluctantly disentangle the figures from each other; every detachment produces a LOUD POPPING SOUND. INT. FARTMAN LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER STANN holds the Feelix statuette, while the four boys stand in front of the fireplace. STANN Hey Fartman, give me a boost! FARTMAN Wait a minute, I've got another idea. Let's go into my mom's bedroom. KYYLE That sounds like a baaaaaad fuckin' plan. KENNIE Mph rmph phrmph m phrmph! FARTMAN Naw, she won't be back for a coupla hours. He leads the way, down the hall. INT. FARTMAN MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Fartman opens the bedside table's drawer, and pulls out a fearsome-looking dildo. Stann puts down the Feelix trophy, and looks closely at the words stamped on the dildo's base. STANN Steeley Dann?! FARTMAN Yeah, my mom treated herself to the best. He flips the switch, and the dildo BUZZES crazily. Then he turns it off and places it on the bedside table, next to the Feelix statuette. DISSOLVE TO: INT. FARTMAN MASTER BEDROOM - FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER Fartman puts down a screwdriver, and flips a newly-installed switch on the base of the Feelix trophy. It BUZZES crazily, and the boys break into UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER. Meanwhile, Kyyle shoots some footage with his phonecam. STANN Hey guys, wait a minute. Did anybody hear a noise? They listen to the sound... of the front door CLOSING. KYYLE Oh crap, now we're fucked. What-do-we-do? What-do-we-do? What-do-we-do? FARTMAN Everybody out the window! The four boys ZOOM over to the bedroom window, and push each other out of the way, in their frantic attempt to escape. Luckily, they all get out, and the window SLAMS shut. INT. FARTMAN MASTER BEDROOM - NEXT DAY The four boys are again standing in front of the bedside table, staring at the disemboweled dildo, next to the newly-motorized Feelix statuette. Fartman flips the switch on and off, producing short bursts of vibratory BUZZING. STANN She didn't say anything? FARTMAN Not a goddam word. Kyyle touches the head of the statuette. KYYLE Eww, it's sticky. Fartman opens the drawer, and pulls out a squeeze tube. FARTMAN K-Z Jelly. Lubrication for those *special* moments. KENNIE (appalled) Mph rmph phrmph m phrmph! KYYLE I know. I'm grossed out, too. Fartman touches the statuette near its knees. FARTMAN Holy. Fucking. Shit. It's sticky all the way down. That's gotta be fourteen inches, at least. The four boys stand stock-still for a moment, trying to digest the meaning of this latest tidbit. Suddenly, Kennie keels over, with a tiny SQUEAK. Stann reaches down to check his pulse, then cries out in anguish: STANN Oh my God, we killed Kennie! THE END

© 2007 Anikó J. Bartos & Alan C. Baird · return to synopses · ^