George Clooney and the Paparazzi:
"Hey, take my picture instead!"

• In the wake of the unfortunate death of Princess Diana, hunk du jour George Clooney opportunistically attacked the photographers and tabloids which made him famous.

• He conveniently forgot that these people and organizations are part of the star-making machinery which propelled him from a hack actor on dreck TV shows to the overpaid hack actor who brought down the Batman franchise.

• However, if Porgy insists on biting the hand which indirectly feeds him, I'm willing to step in, and make sure the insatiable demand for tabloid photographs remains fulfilled.

• I hereby selflessly offer my services, to be photographed with any young starlets, in all stages of undress, and in the compromising position of your choice.

• I'm available 24/7, and I won't slug or sue anyone who wants pictures; in fact, I have some juicy ones left over from my Vegas trip, if you can rescue them from the Fotomat...

George is a putz, IMHO, and deserves to be ignored...

If you've got a buxom beauty for me to pose with,
just give me a holler, and I'll try my best to please!