You might be a modemhead if... forget your wife's face. forget your dog's name. forget your WIFE's name. rename your dog Browser. forget to rename your wife. ATTEMPT to rename your wife.
She's open-minded, right? start collecting and re-publishing that wacky Internet humor:

Top Ten Habits Of Highly Effective Flamethrowers, by

Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person, with feelings that can be hurt. If you see the opportunity, hurt them.
Rule 9: Behave online as you do in real life. This way, you can act like a total jerk under all circumstances.
Rule 8: Lurk until you get a feel for what's acceptable in a particular forum or newsgroup. Then leap in and do the opposite.
Rule 7: Be aware of others' time and bandwidth. Never post anything shorter than seven paragraphs. Ensure your sig is at least a screen long.
Rule 6: Make yourself look good online--always post your abuse in complete, grammatically correct sentences.
Rule 5: Share expert knowledge. If you know how to push someone's buttons in a forum, send private eMail to everyone else telling them.
Rule 4: Help keep flame wars under control: lead the charge.
Rule 3: Respect other people's privacy... if you have some dirt about a member of a newsgroup, spread it only via private eMail.
Rule 2: Don't abuse your power. Flame only those who disagree with you.
Rule 1: Remember: You were a network newbie once, too. You deserved all the flaming you got then. The current batch deserves no less. take inordinate pride in your measly collection of emoticons:

<:-/ .....Feeling stoopid
8-) ......Four-eyes
:-# ......Wearing braces
:-{} .....Recent collagen shots
:<) ......Recent nose job
-:-) ......Recent mohawk
:-()= ....Drooling
[:-| .......Sighted Frankensein
***:-( ..Blowing off steam
<<:-) ....Sighted the Pope
;-P .......Nudge, nudge, wink, wink (tongue-in-cheek)
~:-\ .......Sighted Elvis haven't stepped away from the computer in three days, because you're afraid your Web connection might time out. find yourself reinventing the wheel - Pam Kagan has done a yeoman's job of collecting these Jeff Foxworthy-type jokes at Netaholics Anonymous, mentioned elsewhere in F12. If you find that you have a unique test for being a modemhead, and want a less-crowded showcase for your material, send it to us. We'll post the best ones here, but only if you can guarantee that they're unpublished elsewhere!

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Wacko!© Alan C. Baird ~ The backup counter's even reset itself!